Things To Do When The Rivers Are Blown Out 2.0

March 16, 2017 4 min read


About this time last year I felt it was my duty to help out the fellow angler and suggest a few things to do while the rivers are blown out. Some of my suggestions kind of fell flat, like building a wall around my favorite steelhead river and making the bait guys pay for it. I am still waiting for the check. Another idea was compare my hand size to other anglers. Since everyone wears gloves in the winter, it was hard to gauge where I fell in the line-up. There were a few that really made sense, like changing my toilet paper rolls from right hand retrieve to left hand retrieve. I think that was a real winner.
Well it’s a new year, and once again we are faced with crappy weather and high water. We might not see fishable water for months. There must be something to do to occupy our time while we wait for the water levels to drop. There has to be a fly-fishing related task or two that will keep my head in the game. And after laboring over several ideas, many of which didn’t make the cut (fly tying, casting practice, rod building), I think I have a solid list of here folks.
Find That Perfect Color of Nail Polish to Paint Your Beads
Steelhead are the most discerning fish species on the planet. Their eye-sight rivals that of an eagle. They have a sixth, seventh, and eighth sense. If your bead “flies” don’t look just right to them, you are bound to get a refusal. You’re not going to find that special color at Right Aid or Wal Mart. Oh no, you had better make a trip into Ulta or take a good look at what Sephora has to offer if you want to be legit. Get something nice for your girlfriend while you’re at it. Better get her something special, or she’s bound to leave you for an actual fly fisherman.
Change Your Wireless Internet Password Back to Its Original Setting
Is your wireless password something like Fishslayer1985? Is that because you were born in 1985 or is it that you have been slaying fish since then? So it’s possible that you were either conceived in the back of a Chevy Nova to Van Halen’s 1984 album (which is awesome) or if the latter is true, your fishing rig may have been a Nova, which I guess is better than a Gremlin or Rabbit! I prefer a complicated default password, like K3itl90vhK7TllI41zyYx4!223jUz. That way when my millennial brother-in-law comes over to drink my beer, he has two choices, either socialize with the adults or labor through the process entering the code so he can suck my bandwidth dry while downloading bad music. I find satisfaction in either scenario.
Buy Stock in Rain-X
Are you a Rain-X user? You should be. Rain-X is a game changer. When properly applied, wipers become obsolete. I plan on applying it to not only my windshield, but on all my windows, mirrors, sunglasses, smart phone, flatscreen, and maybe even my neighbor’s cars. Rain-X is so awesome I want it to rain all the time, so I can drive around and watch the beads of water dance on my windshield like hot oil in a Teflon pan. Rain-X is like the Dry Shake of fly fishing. It can be very addictive. You know that perfect float you get after applying Dry Shake to your fly? And then after about 10 drifts your fly starts to sink, and you can’t get your fly stripped in quick enough to re-shake it before a panic attack sets in? You know that feeling? That’s the feeling I get when my Rain-X starts wearing off. Better apply multiple coatings to avoid Rain-X road rage. Also, climate change is for real folks. It might be time to buy stock in Rain-X. We’ve had biblical proportions of rain the last couple of years. Be prepared.
Re-Post Old Fish Pictures From Different Angles
Want to fool everyone on social media into thinking you’re getting ‘em and they’re not? It’s real simple! That hog you caught last year on Dufus Creek that suffocated for 30 minutes while you changed camera angles, net, no net, changed your shirt, updated your Tinder profile, the leaves changed colors, it rained, snowed, and you grew a beard it took so long to release it? Remember that fish? The one that got you 600 likes and sponsored by Bufurd’s Beef Jerky? Oh yeah, it’s time to get some more mileage out of that fish. Cooter’s Hard Cider is looking for some talent and you might just be on their radar!
Well folks, I warned you last year this might happen. I know, the sequel is never as good as the original.  Let’s hope the high water is over soon. I am running out of ideas for things to do when the river is blown out.

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